Liberal use of pronouns ‘We’ and ‘Us’ in office kitchen after United v Liverpool game

Cape Town - Manchester United’s 2-1 triumph over Liverpool on Saturday afternoon saw allegiances sworn and battle lines drawn in a local marketing company’s kitchen on Monday morning with Jayson Friedricks - resplendent in his tight-fitting 2012/13 replica jersey - telling Dhanesh Govender, ‘I told y’all we would beat you ous’ and Govender retorting, ‘We were robbed’.

Ethol Davis, a 60-year old admin manager, played her part in resolving some of the confusion amongst bystanders when she asked if this was a soccer game they perhaps played in this weekend. The notably irritated pair retorted in unison that it was ‘EPL’, ‘English Premier League’, but didn’t go so far as to explain how the pronoun ‘We’ was applicable.

Leicester supporting Sales Rep Don Buckley was told to ‘Vy from here’ because his receding hairline is longer than the time he has been supporting Leicester, after he attempted to add to the banter by telling Govender, ‘Wa-la-la you ous got it’.

No strangers to assuming fictional places within the organisational set-ups of professional soccer outfits based in foreign countries, Govender and Friedricks have talked from the perspectives of managers and strikers, defenders and club owners, occasionally even stadium groundskeepers.

In a notable recent occasion the company’s compliance manager thought she was hot on the trail of some Gupta funded corruption during the EPL transfer window after hearing Govender tell Friedricks, ‘We need to buy that guy. Nobody will stop us then’.

By late afternoon, the narrative was such that one would have sworn it was Friedricks himself who scored the match winning brace for Man United while also being instrumental in keeping out all of the Reds’ shots on goal.

Office wagers are that by Friday drinks he will be taking credit for things such as crowd attendance and possibly even the weather.

More to come.

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